Around this time last year, I was enthusiastically renovating my home, a fixer-upper in the South End Neighborhood of Albany. In order to protect my daughters from construction dust, I took them to their grandmother's in New York City. Because of that visit, the first one away from home, for things that no one can explain, my second daughter, Gabriela, would not see the dawn of her first birthday.
The last thing I ever expected is that a year after her death, I would be enthusiastically renovating Gabi's Garden of the Albany Free School, a place where wellness is nurtured for our children and our community.
Gabi's smile was contagious. She had sparkles in her eyes, she was so beautiful. The way she approached life was so intense. She laughed a lot, ate a lot, danced a lot, loved a lot. She made me feel loved. It is absolutely bizarre that she doesn't exist anymore, and I still love her so much. I decided that this intense feeling that I have for this person who is not here with me anymore could not go to waste.
During the very simple ceremony we had for her last year, Bhawin Suchack, the director of the Albany Free School, told me that they will dedicate the garden in the memory of Gabi. It even sounded lovely: Gabi's Garden. At the time, I just admired the beauty of how that sounded. Over time I have gradually envisioned a charming place, delicately sublime, that reflected my baby's personality.
Then I started brainstorming on ways that the garden can bring happiness to the unique community surrounding the garden — a mixture of middle class Mansion Neighborhood and low-income South End Neighborhood people. In my mind, parting from love, I could see great things happening from people who simply come together to a place and just relax, enjoy themselves and cultivate truly long lasting loyal ties, community ties.
Then something else happened nearby: shootings. Grand Street and other surrounding areas have been experiencing an increasing amount of violent acts. Lisa Firestone, a clinical psychologist and author who studies violence, had found that "violent behavior can be triggered by frustration, anger, or perceived humiliation."
Although the sources that foment violence are broad and often complicated, she explains that those triggers are nurtured by inner voices that are more of a methodical configuration of negative thoughts. Put another way: My neighborhood is becoming violent because our community had allowed negativity in.
I am not generalizing that all people in my neighborhood, including me, are shooters and killers and haters. I don't believe this to be true. But if, for every one person who chooses to listen and act upon his or her negative inner voices, there are hundreds of people in our community listening to and acting upon their positive inner voices, wouldn't we skew the outcome to a brighter, more optimistic perspective?
Just imagine what an amazing neighborhood it could be.
I grew even more inspired, hearing the story of how the Free School became a reality from the president of its board, Chris Mercogliano: "We all worked together to make it happen."
Gabi's Garden and the Albany Free School are located two blocks down from the governor's mansion. While I'm not saying that the government should take on renovating this space just because it could be a great affirmative resource for our community, a little help wouldn't hurt.
Since last year, after my grief let me think straight, I have written grant proposals and letters, reached out, and am still working to make the renovation of Gabi's Garden a reality. But it needs help. On March 1, we will have our first fundraiser. Everyone still envisions a place in our neighborhood where everyone laughs a lot, eats a lot, dances a lot, loves a lot. After all, the garden represents her memory, and my memory of that precious child is pure joy.
After experiencing such intense grief, I can sincerely state that there are only two sides of the line on which people can decide to live on: a sad, alone, and pessimistic side, or a happy, accompanied, and hopeful one.
Which one do you choose to live on today?