"OMG, I caught Tito destroying the evidence."
— State Sen. Greg Ball, joking on Twitter about feeding his Lab puppy a piece of paper during a flap over plagiarized material in his legislation.
"I think many Republicans are thinking, 'We've got it over the Democrats on health care. Why do we want to muddy up the waters?'"
— U.S, Rep. Henry Cuellar, D-Texas, on the unlikelihood of immigration reform this year.
"I support rehabilitation and reduced recidivism, but not on the taxpayers' dime when so many individuals and families are struggling to meet the ever-rising cost of education."
— Sen. Mark Grisanti, R-Buffalo, on Gov. Andrew Cuomo's proposal for college classes in prisons.
"I'm Jimmy Fallon and I'll be your host — for now."
— Jimmy Fallon, in his first monologue as host of The Tonight Show.