The best gift is one that's tailored to the recipient's interests.
For example, you give Legos to a child who likes to build things, a basketball for the kid who enjoys sports and, for the future financial wiz, a guaranteed variable annuity with optional market kicker. Stuff like that.
So I was shocked to read in the newspaper recently that a panel of chefs deemed the Easy Bake Oven an unsuitable gift for the budding chef. According to the Times Union article, kids interested in cooking would be better off spending time in a real kitchen than with the toy oven from Hasbro. I now await the AMA's recommendation that medically inclined children steer clear of Milton Bradley's Operation Game in favor of performing actual surgery.
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OK, perhaps I should admit I'm a little touchy when it comes to the subject of Easy Bake Ovens. As a child, I was interested in making baked goods cooked by the heat of a light bulb, so I desperately wanted the miniature plastic appliance. When one appeared beneath our tree one Christmas morning, I thought I got my wish.
There was just one problem: It had my sister's name on it.
My culinary aspirations were not completely ignored, however, because I received an Incredible Edible Maker instead. If you don't know what an Incredible Edible Maker is, you either didn't grow up in the '60s or else your parents sheltered you from it due to your delicate constitution.
It was sort of like a do-it-yourself gummy worm factory. Except the results were more rubbery and, if possible, less appetizing. It was the kind of present that left me scratching my 7-year-old head and wondering, "what the hell, Santa?"
The front of the box said, "Cook up some Fun!" and "Frightfully Delicious!" along with that word every kid loves to hear, "Sugarless!" There were pictures of smiling kids eating brightly colored centipedes and frogs. I remained skeptical.
The moment of truth came when my sister and I tried out our respective gifts. While my sister stirred up a chocolaty batter, I squeezed goop with the consistency and appeal of snot into the assorted molds and placed them in the "Sooper Gooper" to cook.
In the end, she had a batch of brownies baked to 40-watt perfection and I had a plate piled high with vulcanized arthropods. I had to admit her food looked better than mine. I could probably say they tasted better, too, if my sister gave me more than a nano-scale sized portion to try after our parents insisted she share.
Despite offering my Incredible Edibles several times to my family, I, not surprisingly, had the entire plate of plasticized critters to myself. It was then I learned not all presents are created equal. A lesson that was as hard to swallow as a tutti-frutti flavored grasshopper.
Looking back, I have to admit the Incredible Edible Maker was a pretty educational toy in other ways, too. For instance, once I began cooking with it, I no longer had to wonder what an electrical fire in a tire factory would smell like. And a label on the maker said, "Caution: very warm lid."
Considering the thing was capable of reaching temperatures normally reserved for smelting furnaces, I learned the meaning of the word "understatement."
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As a result, I'm sure playing with the Incredible Edible Maker opened up a whole new career path for a generation of children.
Forget being a teacher or fireman, thousands of scarred children who no longer had fingerprints now wanted to become product liability lawyers.
To be fair, this was before car seats, bicycle helmets and childproof caps. But thank God I never said I wanted to be an electrical engineer, because Santa probably would have brought me a bunch of metal coat hangers with a note telling me to play with a light socket.
So think carefully before you give a child a gift this holiday season. The right choice could help develop a life-long hobby. Make the wrong choice and your child could end up like me — a bitter, fearful adult with the exterminator on speed dial.
Play it safe and give everyone an Easy Bake Oven.
Betsy Bitner is author of the blog lostintheadirondacks.com and a mystery writer. She divides her time between Clifton Park and the Adirondacks. Her email address is bbitner1@nycap.rr.com.