A pig wandering along the Northway near Exit 11 recently created quite a stir. His escape from a local farm drew a crowd when people stopped their cars to take pictures. And can you blame them? After all, it had been several days since the latest opening of a chain restaurant in the Capital Region and folks were getting restless.
If you missed it, don't worry. You're not alone. I missed it, too, and had to read about it in this newspaper.
I had a good excuse, though. I'd been in line since the opening three days earlier of Joe's Crab Shack in Latham and was assured a table would finally be free "in just a few more minutes."
The whole thing was pretty big news in these parts, because it provided a welcome relief for people who are stressed by the economy, the elections and whether Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are really back together or is it all just a cheap publicity stunt. You know, the big stuff.
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What's really disturbing is that this incident may be part of a larger, nationwide trend. Google "escaped pig" and you'll realize this was not an isolated occurrence. Hogs have been making a break for it in Massachusetts, Illinois and Spokane Valley, Washington (after one escaped through the back window of a minivan). There was even a scarf-wearing pig who high-tailed it in Pittsburgh.
To make matters worse, there have been reports of marauding bands of wild boars roaming the countryside and leaving a path of destruction in their wake. Some have even made inroads into the Adirondacks. They travel in packs that are rude, aggressive and willing to eat anything. Which, if you think about it, sounds an awful lot like your average August Saturday night on Canada Street in Lake George.
The problem of untamed boars has become so pervasive, The Discovery Channel has an entire series called "Hogs Gone Wild," which, sources inform me, is not a spin-off of "Jersey Shore." Whether the ham on the lam at Exit 11 was trying to join up with his feral cousins is unclear. But I have my suspicions about what is causing this epidemic of runaway pigs.
Bacon. No, not Kevin Bacon. I'm talking about Americans' insatiable appetite for cured pork belly.
We just can't get enough of it. When asked why they'll never become vegetarians, 93 percent of committed carnivores cite bacon as their No. 1 reason, according to a poll that I'm definitely making up.
Our obsession has gone beyond just a couple of strips alongside our eggs in the morning. We love bacon so much that now there's bacon-flavored candy, coffee, milkshakes, popcorn and gravy. Many state fairs have begun offering deep-fried bacon and Denny's and Burger King both have had bacon ice cream sundaes on the menu.
But why stop at food when you can also enjoy the taste of smoked pig fat in bacon-flavored lip balm and envelopes — the latter marketed as mmmvelopes?
These products, and many more, are offered by J&D Foods, an actual company that has given the world "Baconnaise," a sandwich spread for people who are worried that regular mayonnaise does not contain enough calories. It's a logical product for a company whose motto is "everything should taste like bacon."
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People who can't imagine living without bacon can now take it one step further and buy a bacon coffin, also from J&D Foods. According to the company's press release, it's "for people who love bacon to death." And if you think I'm making that up, then you're giving me entirely too much credit.
The coffin is not actually made of bacon, though; it's just painted to look like it. The coffin does, however, come with a bacon-scented air freshener. Again, I'm guessing pork bacon, although I imagine Kevin Bacon smells pretty good, too.
It doesn't take a genius to connect the delicious-tasting dots between AWOL pigs and bacon. And now comes word that governments around the world are bracing for a global bacon shortage. So we should all lay off the stuff for a while.
Maybe then pigs won't feel compelled to hit the road. Of course, we're only likely to completely give up bacon when pigs fly.
Betsy Bitner is author of the blog lostintheadirondacks.com and a mystery writer. She divides her time between Clifton Park and the Adirondacks. Her email address is bbitner1@nycap.rr.com.