We used to lose power at our house in Clifton Park with alarming frequency. There were rumors it was because we're on a power grid that predates Edison himself. That's the only explanation I can think of for why our electrical supply was at the mercy of the smallest weather disturbance.
Our lights flickered every time a game show host said, "lightning round." And the slightest breeze plunged us into darkness. It didn't matter if the breeze was caused by a couple of kids riding past our house on bikes or by a particularly vigorous gerbil on his exercise wheel.
We enjoy historical re-enactments as much as the next family, but we were tired of going all "Little House on the Prairie'' just because our neighbors got a new salad spinner.
That's why we bought a generator several years ago that is capable of delivering enough juice to power the media encampment outside Jill Kelly's house. So what if the behemoth has roughly the same square footage as Rhode Island?
I said "roughly," so don't start Googling it.
It's worth it if I'm able to blow dry my hair while simultaneously making smoothies and sending a fax regardless of the weather.
Recently, however, the terrible devastation caused by Superstorm Sandy has made me realize I may not be as prepared for a storm as I'd like to think. After all, having a generator to power your appliances means squat if Mother Nature decides to send all her power your way.
So I decided to take a look at the emergency preparedness guidelines put out by the U.S. Department of Homeland Security and FEMA. It confirmed my worst fears.
First, the guidelines say you should have an adequate drinking supply. I was relieved until I realized they meant water and not a well-stocked wine cellar.
This of course means relying on bottled water. From what I've seen, water is one of the first things to go from store shelves before an impending storm.
Given the fact that I put the "pro" in procrastination, it's likely the bottled water supply will be long gone before I even get around to finding my car keys.
As a precaution, they also advise you to fill your bathtub with water. I haven't cleaned my tub since we switched back to Standard Time — two years ago. So the idea of drinking anything out of my bathtub is about as welcome as a "before picture" photo album at a Kardashian family reunion.
Now, I could clean it. But with a disaster looming, the time commitment would seriously cut into my ability to make one last liquor store run. Priorities, people.
OK, I may not have enough water, but I should have plenty of food, considering my near-daily trips to the grocery store. However, an inspection of my cupboards revealed that's not the case. I could only find a jar of lemon curd, fancy pimentos, an opened box of elbow macaroni containing approximately 8½ elbows, one dust-covered can of hearts of palm, a half-eaten granola bar and a few stray raisins. At least I think they're raisins. The worst part is none of those things pair well with chardonnay.
I was fooled into thinking my cupboards were well-stocked because they're always so full. But that's because a lot of space is taken up by a large plastic bin filled with enough packets of soy sauce, ketchup and chicken nugget dipping sauces to supply the Thruway rest stops during the Thanksgiving weekend.
They're all neatly arranged in order of size, flavor and date of expiration. Nothing like the threat of disaster to make me realize I suffer from condiment OCD.
So it seems although I'm ill-prepared for a disaster, I'm still blessed with more than I need. Which is an important fact to remember this Thanksgiving season, particularly in light of those who've lost so much.
If you haven't already done so, you may wish to join me in donating to those still suffering from the wrath of Sandy. And, if you find as you prepare your holiday meal, that you could use a few more packets of barbecue sauce, give me a call.
Betsy Bitner is author of the blog lostintheadirondacks.com and a mystery writer. She divides her time between Clifton Park and the Adirondacks. Her email address is bbitner1@nycap.rr.com.